How My Story Begins

Welcome to The Divorce Diaries.

My name is Hannah, and this is my story - the diary of my own divorce.

If you had told me a year ago that this is where I'd be - writing a blog about my personal experience with divorce - I'd have laughed in your face. This time a year ago, I was happily married, or so I thought. But if there's anything I've learned recently, it's that life doesn't always go as planned. I used to be THAT girl. The one who was thrilled when her boyfriend proposed, the one who loved wearing her beautiful ring, the one who really thought she'd found her forever. I was that girl once, but I'm not her anymore. Now, I'm a different THAT girl. The one who had her dreams crushed, the one who found out that the love of her life was lying to her, the one who realized that forever doesn't always mean forever.

For seven years, I built a life with the man I loved by my side. For four of those years, I called that man my husband, and he called me his wife. I honestly believed we would spend the rest of our lives together. We had been through so much together - being in a long distance relationship, graduating college & entering the workforce, getting our own apartments for the first time, moving in together, adopting pets, getting married, moving out of state. I was in his life when a very close family member of his passed away unexpectedly at a young age; he was in mine when my childhood dog and best friend crossed the rainbow bridge at seventeen. Together, we experienced the sudden loss of our beloved three-legged cat, who we adopted as a kitten and was barely three years old. I couldn't imagine having gone through all of this with anyone else, and I was so grateful we had come into each other's lives.

But that was before.

I thought things were looking up for us. We had just purchased our first house, and I couldn't wait to make it a home. I was excited to add my own personal touches and see our vision come to life. We were also discussing when to start our family. We had baby names picked out that we both liked and had already discussed turning one of the spare rooms into a nursery. We talked about how we would decorate it when the time came and had decided on a nature theme. We were approaching our fourth anniversary when my whole world came crashing down.

My husband was having an affair.

With a girl 8 years younger than him.

With a girl who was still in college.

With a girl who had just started working with him 2 months before.

With a girl who he repeatedly told me was "just a friend."

With a girl who, in his own words, reminded him of ME.

And from that point forward, I was no longer the same. His betrayal shattered my world, my trust, my hope for our relationship, and even my hope for the future. I desperately hoped we could rebuild and come out of this stronger. He told me he was sorry, that he loved me, that it was a mistake, that he wanted to be with me and not her, that he would do whatever he needed to make things right. But all of those things ended up being blank words and empty promises, because he continued to communicate with and see his affair partner behind my back. I didn't want to believe that he could be telling me all those things and still lying to my face, so I stuck around waiting for him to make the necessary changes for rebuilding trust between us. But those changes never happened. And after months of waiting and wishful thinking, I was left with the realization that I had no choice but to leave him. So, I filed for divorce and a little after 2 months later, it was done. We were no longer married. I was no longer his wife, he no longer my husband. Just like that, the past 7 years had come to an end.

Though the process of getting a divorce was fairly simple, there were many implications that I hadn't even really considered - like the loss of the family I had called my own and loved dearly. A family that I would more than likely never see again. Even after the divorce papers come, it's not like you can tie everything up with a pretty bow and think that's the end of it. If anything, it was just the beginning. The beginning of my journey to figure out who I was and what I wanted after experiencing a great loss.

My life has been a crazy rollercoaster ride of emotions ever since I found out about the betrayal. I hope to keep this blog raw and real, so you're going to need to strap in and come along for the ride too. There will be ups and downs, highs and lows, peaks and valleys. There will be everything from despair and disgust, to anxiety and anguish, to relief and resilience. There will be tears, but there will also be smiles and laughs. No matter where you are in your own journey of heartbreak, betrayal, and/or divorce, I hope that you will find some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. I hope my words resonate with you and remind you that you are stronger than you feel right now. Here's to endings, beginnings, and everything in between. Here's to unfiltered emotions. Here's to loving yourself and owning your story.

"Owning your own story and loving yourself through the process is the bravest thing that we'll ever do." - Brene Brown